Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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