Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
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I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
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I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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