I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
