Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
