you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
