There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
You left your phone here
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