In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
