Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
