I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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