All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
