woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
