i always forget guys have bellybuttons
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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