I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
