At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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