In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
