Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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