So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
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in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
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Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize