dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
