The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
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In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
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You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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