I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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