i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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