I met the friendliest cop last night
i just google imaged poop.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
