and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
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