he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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