I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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