can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
