I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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