hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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