I want to make a zoo with you.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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