Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
