She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
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