we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
You made out with two different species that night
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
the raccoons are back...
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