I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
