wanna go halves on a baby?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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