I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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