I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Randomize
