i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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