I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
