The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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