His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
