She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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