So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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