Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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