so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
