I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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