Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
