Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
