Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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