i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i love accidental penises.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
