Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
