Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
