wrigley field is MILF paradise
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
