He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
