So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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