i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
