She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
