How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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