I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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