she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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