He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
