Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
