THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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