Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
