So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
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Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
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Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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