Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
