I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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