Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Randomize
