you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
