I seem to have left my pride at pride
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
vagina is talking i cant
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
